Donkey Kong's Literary Sandbox

Economics for Noobs/Pre-schoolers: Interest Rates and Time Preference

2011-06-01T05:51:00.001-07:00

Unlike the esoteric discpline of theoretical physics, Economics is a highly intuitive subject that can be approached by "common sense" reasoning. This intuitivity is a great resource and arise from the fact that the subject of economics deals with human motivation and action, something that every human being reflects about on a day to day basis. It is therefore quite unfortunate that the prevailing overuse/abuse of mathematics that plagues the economic discipline has diminished the accessibility to this resource substantially.

As an example of how to reason based on intuitive notion of human preference and actions, we will attempt to explain the concept "the inverse relation between interest rates and the price of bonds" without appealing to the standard tools of bond valuation.

Let us define some self evident truths about human preference:

Human preference 1:
Obtaining some things at the present is almost always more desirable then obtaining the same thing at a future point in time. Let us call this the time preference.

Human preference 2:
two human being will only exchange products if the exchange results in an increase perceived benefit of both human being.

Variability of preference:
Human beings constantly revaluate things based on changes in environment. The level of time preference of an object changes with respect to a changing environment.

In keeping with the theme of intutive presentation, let us now defined a highly relatable scenario:

For some reason, farmer A has a desire for 100 cows at present, he perceives this to be worth 150 cows in two years. Because of HP1 and HP2, he offers farmer B a redeemeble coupon of 130 cows in 2 years time in exchange for 100 cows at Present. Farmer B accepts this coupon as he pereceived 100 cows at present to be worth 120 in future. The net perceived gain of the exchange is 30 cows for both parties.

1 week later, there is a change in the environment:
Scenario (1): Mad cow disease strikes. Beef is unpopular at present.
Scenario (2): A steak craze hits the village. Beef popular at present.

Let us ask the question now. How much is Farmers A coupon is now worth under S1 and S2?

Under S1, the time preference diminshes. Farmer B is able to exchanges the coupon for 110 cows at present with another farmers C.

Under S2, time preference increases. Farmer B is only able to exchanges the coupons for 90 cows with farmer C.

We therefore see that, if time preference increases, the value of the coupon drops. Conversely, if time preference decreases, the value of the coupon increases.

Having now a clear intuitive understanding of the commodity of time and the dynamics of its value, we should be able to work through the nuts and bolts of deriving the more mathematical task of calculating bonds value and yields.

Financial Quackery

2010-10-06T01:37:00.001-07:00

Back to some fiction churning(some what unpolish)..

The Federal Reserve chairman Bernanke took to the podium amidst a flurry of flashing camera lights. His facial expression bore a strange mixture of cool contempt and calmness as he began to address the crowd of prostrating reporters below him.

"In light of weakening economic indicators, the board of directors at the Fed has reached the unanimous decision to implement further measure to help stimulate the economy. As such, in close coordination with federal scientist at the DOE, the Fed gravity rate will be decreased by a further 0.05 basis points over the next period to 9.525 mg/s^-2. According to our estimations... ", Bernanke droned on as the press conference hall broke out into an under current of excited chatter.

The Fed's policy, which was firmly rooted in neo-Keynesian doctrine, was a contentious one that deeply polarize the nation. On the one hand, supporters of the Fed policy are keen to point out that lowering the gravitational force would help industries such as shipping, construction and transportation. On the other hand, detractors of the Fed argues that meddling with the earth's gravitational field is a highly risky business and may lead to potentially disastrous consequences.

As the initial excitement of the announcement ebbed, the press conference hall began to settle down with the Chairman continuing to announce a stream of lesser measures like further lowering interest rates and increasing the FDIC guaranteed on deposits.

"... and rest assure, we will continue to employ all the policy tools at our disposal in the coming months to meet further challenges that arise. I will take your questions now", Bernanke ended his speech on a confident and firm note.

And with that, the hall broke out into a wild chorus of questions

"Mr. Benanke, does the Fed expect any tidal flooding to occur on the pacific coast again? What assurances can it give that thenegative effects of its tinkering with gravity will be minimal ", Michael Fisk, the White House correspondence from the New York Times fired a pointed question to the Chairman.

"The Fed has carefully studied all the risk involved before embarking on any of its endeavors, and I can assure you that any negative impact will be minimal", Bernanke answered curtly as he stared icily at the offending reporter.

"And I would like to reiterate that federal scientist have proven that the flooding in the west coast had nothing to do with the changes in the lunar orbit, but was due to the appearance of an unusual tropical depression in an active storm season", Bernanke replied smugly. He was on top of his game today and nothing could ruffle his feathers..

Meanwhile, across the continent, in the snow swept city of St Petersberg Russia, a Jewish Mathematician by the name of Vladimir Kusnetsov was working late into the night on deriving a theorem of the lunar orbital stability due to fluctuating gravitational effects via a modified KAM theorem.

"Ahh.. Doraki!!", the Russian scientist shouted in dismay as the final pieces of the intricate theorem falled into place to reveal the horrifying results

"The lunar orbital stability is compromised, We're going to lose the Moon..."

.

Super Ego

2009-07-02T00:45:00.000-07:00

"I can't believe I got passed over for the promotion...", Clark muttered to himself as he swooped down from the skies, building up tremendous speed before banking into a sharp turn to intercept the plummeting Boeing 747 before him.

A blast of shockwave ripped through the hull of the aircraft as it collided with Clark in mid air. The long wingspans of the aircraft snapped instantly by the massive inertia of the twin Pratt-Whitney turbo engines.

Man, I really got screwed over... ", Clark continued his tirade. "Lois wouldn't be where she was if not for me, and she promotes Jimmy instead of me... "

"What a bitch..", he added.

By now the wingless plane has slowed into a gentle descent and the annoying sound of crying people were becoming audible to Clarks finely attuned hearing.

"You know what... I've had it with the Daily Bugle, if they can't show me the respect I deserve, I'm walking...", Clark said to himself.

======================================================

The newsroom had barely been abuzz with news of Superman's mid air heroics when a defiant Clark stormed into the room of the newly minted editor in chief.

"Is this because of our past Lois. Is this why you're doing this to me...", Clark's eye seethed with anger as a film of reddish laser formed dangerously over his irises.

"Look Clark, the positions were limited, and we needed somebody with background in finance writing", Lois leveled a steely gaze back at Clark.

"Now... You're a great investigative journalist ", Lois continued, "and there is a story out there about the airplanes waiting to be covered, okay ? "

"Bullshit Loise...", Clark interrupted Lois, " This is because I dumped you for Sarah, I'm quitting you ungrateful bitch" And with that Clark bounded out of the office faster than a speeding bullet.

Body in the Wheels and Gears of the Odious Machine

2009-05-07T05:02:00.000-07:00

[Life in the Party leading up to the 2008 elections, as seen from the eye of a lowly minion]

Exhibit A:

Although it was now well into the night, the swealtering heat in the packed night market was becoming rather unbearable. And yet, throngs of people continued to funnel in to the narrow walkways of the night market, chattering and laughing carefreely as they unwind from a days work.

The vitality of the pasar malam was something that had to be experienced. The garish incadecent bulbs strung across the stalls, the constant din of hawkers haggling their products, the smell of sweat mixed with spices all combined to create a chorus of sensory cacaphone unlike any other.

And so, on this typical pasar malam night, Dr Cheah and I were busily setting up our electoral registeration booth. Rumours that Abdullah was going to call an election soon was rifed, and we were hoping to register as many voters that were symphathetic to our cause.

With our booth finally set up, and the Rocket banner proudly on display, flocks of curious on-looker began ambling up to our stall.

"Ladies and gentleman, we're not here to sell you anything today", Dr Cheah reassured the gathering crowd.

"We're here to give you a chance to determine the future for our nation and exercise your civic duty to vote, so please sign up with our young friend over here if you've not registered to vote". Dr Cheah pointed to me.

Dr Cheah then repeated the same message in all three languages.

And so, the night wore on, and by the time we were done, we've registered more than 40 voters, including a 50 yearold lady who has never voted in her life before.

"Things in the country are getting bad", old lady articulated.

Good. People were finally waking up. There maybe hope yet.

Exhibit B:

The PJ operation center was a whirlwind of chaos and resembled that of a bee hive. Tomorrow is D-day, Election Day, and the polling marshalls were scrambling about with various last minute task to organize their volunteers.

For the first time, we had enough independent observers to cover the whole of PJ, so damn if the ruling party tries to steal this election from us.

"Xiao Li," a frantic looking Huang ran up to me, "I need you to help George out"

George was of indian descent and had been with the party for 30 years. Like most party loyalist, he has paid a heavy price for his political conviction, being exiled from the country for some 10 years during Ops Lalang.

"Whats the matter...", I asked.

"Well, I don't think he can managed, he hasn't even confirmed with half of his volunteers..", Huang replied

I took a look at George who was sitting rather absent mindedly on the couch. Now in his 60s, the years on George was showing, and it was clear he would not be able to handle the marshalling which he volunteered for.

"You've to do it Li, we don't have anybody else", Huang said.

"But, you know I’ve not attended the training, this is my first election campaign, I don't really know what to do", I protested.

“You’ve just got to try..”, Huang said.

Boy, things sure just got much more interesting.

Exhibit C:

It was around 6 p.m. when the first of the results began streaming in.

"SMDJ, Aliran 15: 280 DAP, 42 BN", a weary but happy Mel announced through the speaker phone. Roar of jubilation erupted through the headquarters as yet another polling stream goes to DAP.

The night wore on and it soon became clear that we were heading towards a landslide victory. News of similar results in other part of the country were coming in through the internet and there was a terrible sense of excitement in the air. We were watching the political landscape of the country transformed before our very eyes. Change had come twenty years earlier.

When the final vote was in and all dust were settled, we had soundly trashed the ruling party. capturing the constituent by a resounding 20+% margin.

Nationwide, we wranggled five states from the BN and more than 1/3 of the parlimentary seats.

We’ve won big.

And the crowd were clamouring for Tony to give a victory speech to cap it off.

"Ladies and gentleman " Tony spoke to the audience. "Tonight the people have won a victory, but it is important that we keep the victory, so I want all of you to go back tonight and get a good rest, I’m sure many of you’ll are tired. The country will savor this victory for many years to come”

The pigs have overthrown the farmer. Lets hope they do not betray the revolution.

Angels and Demons

2009-03-19T03:14:00.000-07:00

Mathematically flavoured fiction,best skipped by the mathematically disinclined (Not a Dan Brown Spoof):

"And thus, after having decomposed the o(4) into the direct sum of two equivalent semi-simple o(3) algebras, we now proceed to construct their representation space via the following form...", Professor Yao lectured with his back to the audience as he scrawled a barely legible tensor product on the blackboard.

"Psst..!", A voice behind Michael roused him just as he was nodding off to sleep.

"Oh.. Lisa, what's up?", Michael replied.

"Michael.. you got to start paying attention to Professor Yao, term exams are just around the corner", Lisa whispered concernly from the back.

"Yeah I suppose I should. Thanks for waking me up though, was up late last night working on some theorems", Michael replied.

"School related ones..? " Lisa questioned.

"Hmm... nope, was trying to solve the Angel vs Devil problem, you want to hear about it ?", Michael answered.

"Michael... you should be going over the school materials", Lisa gasped in exasperation.

"Well, it does require techniques in topology, so I guess it doubles as revision" Michael said.

"Hmm... really? So whats is this Angel vs Devil problem about", Lisa questioned further, not entirely convince that Michael was putting his time to good use.

"Okay, here is the statement of the problem. Suppose there are two players on an infinite chessboard. One of the players, called the angel, is allowed to move anywhere within 1000 squares of his current position per turn. The other player, called the devil, is allowed to eat one square per turn. The angel cannot move into squares which the devil has eaten. The devil is considered to have won the game if he can corner the angel into a position where he does not have any legal moves left.” Michael elaborated. “So the question is who wins at the end ?”

“Oh, its not that hard.. surely its the Angel who wins...”, Lisa answered.

“Well...I thought so too at the beginning.. but its not that simple, in fact its still an open problem with a prize of $1000 attached to the solution”, Michael replied.

“Ohh..”, Lisa answered, pausing awhile before continuing “ Have you run out of money again ?”

“Ahh... Lisa...”, Michael replied, wondering if she'll ever understand..

Datuk Harry and the Corporate Whores

2009-03-08T00:31:00.000-08:00

Datuk Harry watched impatiently as Dumbledore fumbled through his cluttered briefcase.

"Do you mean to come to all your meetings unprepared or is this part of the presentation...", Harry said, rubbing his finger on his temple to ease the headache that was developing.

"I'm sorry Datuk Harry..., its got to be somewhere here...", Dumbledore apologised.

Harry shooked his head regretfully, he should have fired Dumbledore years ago when he had the chance. Dumbledore was an absent minded academic who did not really have what it takes to cut it in corporate.

"Found it !", Dumbledore cried triumphantly as he fished out a tattered and losely stapled report, handing it into Harry's outstretched hands.

"So tell me... What is this new product which you've develop..?", Harry asked, flipping through the report off-handedly.

"Oh... its magic horse shoes... You put them on horses and they can run much faster..", Dumbledore tried to explain.

"Magic horse shoes...?", Harry interrupted Dumbledore. "Tell me Dumbledore, how I am going to market these horse shoes...?"

Dumbledore scratched his long wizardly beared as if puzzled by the question, sinking into deep thought...

With a sigh of futility, Harry took the report from his desk and threw it into a waste paper basket beside him.

"This is a waste of time Dumbledore", Harry said. "Here's an idea... why don't you try developing something which sells. I mean look at Rupert and Hermoine, their new minaturizing wand has reshaped the entire transport industry, why can't you learn from them.. ", Harry admonished.

"Well... but...these horse shoes", Dumbledore fumbled for a reply.

"Ahh its all right.. just leave", Harry said, closing his eyes to ward off thoughts of strangling the aged professor. It was difficult job indeed.

Pursuit of debauchery

2008-07-26T20:08:00.001-07:00

The room was dimly lighted. Its interior was sparse and designed with the sole purpose of maximizing functional efficency. A bed in the middle. Glass walled shower room to the right. Clothes racks jutting awkwardly from wall..

"我叫Mr. Wolf, 你呢",a man in the room breaks the silence.

"你就叫我可爱吧", a girl replies.

"今年几岁",Mr Wolf asks, guessing that she could not have been a day over 20.

"二十了 ", Ke Ai replies as she turns her back to Mr Wolf and began undressing.

"A shy one...", Mr Wolf noted. "Either that... or she is really good at this.."

After snapping off her bra hooks to remove the last of her garments, 可爱 spun over to reveal herself to Mr Wolf, eliciting an involuntary draw of breath from him as he leaned back to survey the figure before him. A figure that, to his estimations, is going to cost him at well over 200 quid today..

可爱, as her namesake suggested, had a small frame and was no taller then 160 cm. She was rather thin，and the sunken outline of her rib cage showed ocassionally under the play of lights. Her limbs were long and slender for her size and she had a pair of breast that were small and petite. A perky set of breast that seemed obvilious to the pull of gravity... they belong to a 20 yearold no doubt.

'冲凉呗', 可爱said, hopping daintly over to Mr Wolf and affecting an air of innocence to the atmosphere with her sprightly movements.

'初恋的感觉。。‘ the words of a friend flashed through Mr Wolf's mind.

'你是哪里来的', Mr Wolf asked, he was beginning to take an interest to the girl other then sexual congress.

'广西', 可爱replied.

'是啊。。广西是个怎么样的地方。。', Mr Wolf asked

'广西吗.. 不知到怎么说...', 可爱 flinched as she replied. And for a second, Mr Wolf thought he saw her eyes flickered with a momentary passing of sadness.. the uncharacteristic discomfort brought whatever 初恋的感觉 to a screeching halt.

'不谈这个啦。。快洗澡先呗。。' , 可爱 recovered, smiling gently at Mr Wolf.

It was then that the plight of the girl before Mr Wolf became exceedingly clear... here was a 20 yearold girl, many miles from home, fucking middled age men for a meager 20% cut and having to put up with insensitive dickheads like himself who have to remind her of a time when life was not the fucking nightmare that it is now.

The rest of the night passed rather uneventfully, Mr Wolf fucked 可爱 with abandon, and in return 可爱 heaped praises on Mr Wolf about how big he was and what a great time she was having... A blatant lie of course... but a necessasry formality nontheless...

And so... two world lines, brought togeather by a confluence of economic forces and chance, intersected for the briefest of moment...

我命反天煞孤星 or how to conviniently blame everything on your zodiac

2007-03-24T08:43:00.000-07:00

要快乐，需要的不是弃智而是弃我。。

人生里的喜怒悲欢，七情六欲等等，本来就是进化论对生命的要求。活的痛苦，仓惶是自然的，它有它的生存价值。

所以要快乐，就要把对生存的执着放下，应为如果生存失去了意义，一个对他有价值的东西也没有它存在的目的了。

换句话来说，要常乐，就要违反自然。要常乐，就要有抛弃人体里基因数亿年遗赠的觉悟和勇气。

而关键性的问题不是要快乐，就要弃智？而是快乐和生存，哪一个重要？

当然这个问题不仅仅是哲学性得，因为二十年后，当你能和电脑所虚构的Angelina Jolie交配时，你还会要真的女人吗？那时候你是需要问自己快乐和生存这个问题的。

And people who answered with an affirmitive to the later will go on to inherit the world. Thus when we are able to recreate the experience of happiness which is virtually accesible to everybody, we will have rendered it obsolete. Happiness is what it is because it is unattainable.

写到这里，让我想起了李安处子戏 "推手" 里面的某个对白：

‘世界之大，岂无藏身之地，任一小屋了此残身；世事如过眼烟云，原本不该心有挂碍 ', 要快乐，应该要有这样的心态吧。当然这并不容易做到，向我，还是背着物质主义这种没完没了的抱负，踉跄的度过人生。不知道何时会找到自己的小屋。

Malaysian accented Judaistic Deities

2007-03-06T08:15:00.000-08:00

*An understanding of Malaysian Chinese vernacular and culture required for full appreciation of the following.

Deep within the bounded confines of the fifth dimension gathered a group of spirtual entities. They were sat about in a haphazard circle and were waging what appears to be a racuous game of Chor Dai Di/Chu Da Di.

'Pair Kings, anyone got bigger...?' , the transcendent being known as Yaweh bellowed. His sunken Yemenite features were drawn in and inscrutable. A resolute air of pensiveness hanged about him.

'Pass, my hands damm unlucky man!', Jesus, who was sittied next to Yaweh, cried out， rapping at the table as he yielded his turn. An impatient and somewhat capricious entity, the young Jesus Christ was often prone to melodramatic outburst and over the top antics.

' Pass also... You have one Di, like that also you consider shitty ar? ',Muhammad rebuffed Jesus. The two were not known to get along and were constantly at each other's throat.

'Having one Di doesnt mean shit ok...', Jesus retorted.Muhammad has been grating on his nerves lately and he was in no mood for the Arabs wisecracks.

'Stop arguing lah...Double Yin....', Belial interrupted the quarelsome pair as he flung a pair of aces on the board.

'Hmm... So big ar...?', Yaweh murmured, staring alternately at his cards and the pair of aces on board. You could tell he had a pair of Di just by the way he was holding the cards.

'Pass lar...', he finally decided, and not without some difficulty.

'Chao him only lar...so suk for what...pass', Jesus lamented.

'People want to chao, people's business lar...you so kepoh for what, I pass also', Muhammad said.

'Shuddup ok, you dont talk, nobody say you are mute...', Jesus fired back, digging his heel into the ground in agitation.

'Seriously lar... you two should get a room...All pass ar, ok.. 3,4,56,7, Very small only', Belial cooly laid down a 5 card straight, causing the other deities to groan and shift about in dissapointment. Belial grinned. Being highly competitive, he enjoyed putting his friends through uncomfortable and compromising situations. Also, like most alpha deities, Belial was careful of his image and carried himself with a well trained and dignified manner. His sunkissed complexion and long sweeping mane gave him a rustic charm that most goddess within the primodial realms find hard to resist.

'Dont have...pass..Jesus?', Yaweh said.

'Dont have also.. .', Jesus replied absent mindedly, his attentions have now drifted from the game and were somehow fixated on the fact that his mother was more revered then him in some parts of the world.

'Pass lar... you biggest...what you got', Muhammad said.

'All dont have ar... then I win liao this round...', Belial smiled as he turned over his cards to reveal a full house.

'Wah lao... your cards so good, sure win lar..Ehh.. Jesus... you have the most card, you shuffle..' Muhammad pushed the stack of cards towards the still dreaming Jesus.

The card game began anew.

Back on Earth , 112 shia pilgrims and 9 U.S soldiers were slaugthered in the desert nation of Iraq.

'God and Man are both part of
an exchanghable and non
immutable concept. A man who
transcends himself through
actions of great virtue is a god'

'人亦是神 '

Theological philospopher and Petrol Kiosk attendant Ah Fai on his long time friend and street racing legend 'Tok Hoi'

The Nobita and Doraemon debate: On the finer points of capital punishment

2007-01-07T03:12:00.000-08:00

Experimental format here...

Nobita: I find the treatment of Saddam Hussein absolutely appalling. If they're going to hang a man, at least accord him with some dignity.

Doraemon: Ridiculous ! The man got what he deserve. In a lesser civilized society, he would have been stoned to death and have his corpse drag through the streets of Baghdad. After which his carcass would be fed to the dogs and his head staked on a pike as a stark reminder to all would be enemy of the state. Haha.

Nobita: Seriously...You're such a piece of shit behind that cute exterior of yours. I so want to kick your ass sometimes.

Doraemon: And you are an annoying twat who only knows how to come crying to me everytime a little whiff of wind catches your pussy.You want to kick my ass oh yeah...??! Not before I kick yours..

The jarring sound of bones clashing is clearly audible as Doraemon and Nobita savagely pumell each other to the high heavens..

Nobita: Ok, back on topic. Granted the man did some bad things in his life time, which mind you, he did with the full backing of the United States, how does executing him help serve justice? Are we not just showing that we are morally no different from the B'aath regime? What about the Sunni retribution that is bound to follow? An eye for an eye makes everyone blind.

Doraemon: Honestly, you liberal hippies are all alike, all too molly
coddled to understand the complexity of real life. By showing compassion, we only expose our weakness. It would only further fuel the insurgency. Only through an iron fist is there any hope of bringing peace to this region. Politics have no relation to morals... get that clear in your head.

Nobita: So essentially what you're saying is that we have to set up a regime which is in all respects identical to the one we have gone to great length to deposed. Only this time pliant and subservient to our first world needs.
Thats rich...

Doraemon: This Tong Luo Sha isnt exactly made from air you know. Somebody has to be poor, just count your blessings that it isnt you. Mmm.. just the thought of poor people made these taste better.

Nobita: I find your company most disagreable...

Doraemon: Fuck you too...

An attempt at B-grade novel/short story, if such a thing exist...

2007-01-05T12:31:00.000-08:00

Due to the nature of my studies, a large extent of my right brain has fallen into disuse. A collary of which being that I've become increasingly mechanical and unspontaneous in relating to my surroundings... a worrying trend no less, how to kau lui like that?!

So in an attempt to clear the proverbial mental cobwebs and fire up those long neglected "liberal/arts" synaptic connections, I'm going to try writing some fiction. It'll be an archetype of the cyber punk genre and based on the Hole Universe me and Lao Chen created some six years ago. Good old days when that Texan mongrel was still kept on a tight leash.

Anyway, I'm goint to use a standard story arc where the story revolves around a programmer who falls in love with his AI creation.

I know.. I know.. robophilic stories may not be the most original of plots around town but its still an interesting theme for me nontheless.

Comments most welcome, even more so if they are critical...

Broadband Express

Looking out from the window of his 32nd floor apartment, Shannon watched meditatively at the tapestry of weaving traffic below him. Sometimes he wondered how it would feel to live like a "Normal".

"I'll probably be an IT personel whose only hobby in life is watching porn...", Shannon concluded with a wry smile. Not that such a life would be any more meaningless then its current manifestation. After all, the struggle against Holes was patently a futile one.

It has now been X years since the purging of APAH and with the assasination of Paulette, all but the most vestigal of resistance have ceased. The battle for the right to existence was over. The Hole's have won, throughly and completely.

Not that it was Shannon's problem.

For now his only concern was to break the 64-bit encryption that stands between him and a free NetVideoGirls.com porn account. Being a former elite APAH blackhat* , it was only too easy. And that was perhaps at the heart of Shannon's problem. Life had become too easy, an endless series of stealing candy from babies. It was fucking annoying to say the least.

"Chibai... sien dao hai yang...", Shannon reflected on his existentialist dilemma. The glow from his monitor flickered as a swarm of sex pop-ups cascaded across his computer screen.

Like most denizens of the mid-21st century, Shannon leads a life largely devoided of actual human contact. The pace and development in cybernetics and computer science meant that not only was it possible for human to be physically isolated and self sufficent, it was far more convinient for them to do so. After all the alternate reality which is cyberspace offered a great many advantage over classical reality. Like refined sugar, it was distinctly artificial but pure and sweet nontheless.

To be completed... hopefully...

Because I''m born Ah Beng and cant wield the English language properly/naturally.

2006-09-05T10:02:00.000-07:00

Therefore I blog. Otherwise, I lose the ability to articulate my thoughts coherently. Anyway I was wondering, is it just me, or do other people think in broken/point-form english as well..

With that question in mind, I decided to produce some narrative samples of how my own 'stream-of-thought' sounds/reads like. Happy voyeuring....

夏天过了：

终于到达机场。。陌生的空气夹着一片寒冷。。英国还是英国。。没变。。我还是我，还是这么的讨厌这个地方。。可能我是恐龙投胎的吧。。一点适应能力都没。这次回来。。百感交集。。男人还需已事业为重，不能再有情绪上的分岔。努力一定要方对方向，这是我一个朋友的口头禅。。希望我的方向是对的，所付出地会有好回报。。为前途而奋斗，我只能做这么多，其他还得交给老天爷做主。

*Edit:

It just occured to me that one could make a meme game out of the above exercise. I.e. Write a 300 words or less narration, only rule is that you cannot use the backspace key/delete keys.

Kau lui song that requires minimal effort to master.

2006-08-29T23:36:00.000-07:00

Next time a guy tries to play this to you, break his head with the guitar...

爱英帮(We love heros)

2006-08-26T16:58:00.000-07:00

Chinese Post.

Half-assed translation to be provided.

Anyway, the following is an attempt to caricaturize a certain marketing phenomena. Goal being not to offend, but to communicate the distress one sometimes feel with said phenomena.

江湖恩怨录之: 友情化为污水

在华山冰天雪地的峰顶上, 只见两个人正在默默的对视各方。左侧的身端魁梧，手执一把铁戟。右方的手那着一双鴛鴦飞刀，身体随比较瘦小，但也英气勃勃。

对视了良久，左便的终于开口打破沉静。

‘ 小李，咱们当哥们少也有十多年了，何必把事情闹成这地步非不可’

‘陵兄，你也会说，十年友情。。。你就看在咱们十年的友情上，不要在苦苦相逼了，我是不会进入爱英帮的，哎。。’小李叹道，神色极为黯然。

‘小李，你何必那么执着，我们爱英帮，爱英雄重英雄，看的上你是英雄才让你入帮，你以为我们是每个人都招的吗？你就更我去一趟, 听听老师的教诲’，陵兄道。

‘陵兄啊，素来江湖规矩，名不换姓，人不换帮。我已是飞刀族的弟子，有自己的人生目标和愿望，你就另找他人巴’，李谋回应。

‘小李，你就不能有远见一点吗？努力要方对方向，你在飞刀族是不能成器的’，陵兄又接着说，‘进了我们爱英帮，好处多的是呢，不管是兵刃还是灵丹，我们都能以廉价提供给你’

‘我。。。。’，小李顿时哑口无言，心里在盘算如何让陵兄明白自己的立场。

‘我不是更你说过吗，你在飞刀族，有life 没有style, 难道你想一辈子走镖行刺吗’，陵兄乘虚而入。

‘我。。嗨！’小李一脸郁郁不乐，只能遥头表示自己的坚决。

‘话头已尽。。你就上把。。’，小李过了一会儿又加了一句。

三更时辰，华山峰顶隐隐传来兵刃相撞的声音。

Breakfast beckons, will do translation sometime later today..

Edit:

The following is an english translation of the above.

(*note: Translated in such a manner that much of the original prose and style has been preserved. An insight, if you may, as to how chinese language is used...Actually its an excuse for not wanting to do it properly...Could read quite funny/tacky/lame/bullshit...etc)

Chronicles of the River Lake Deeds: Friendship turns to muddy waters

On top the icy peaks of the Hua mountain, two man stand facing each other in silence. The left has a large body frame and holds a metal javeline in his hand. The right holds a pair of Yuan Yang blade, he is built smaller, but still possess much hero aura.

After sometime of staring off, the left broke the silence.

'Little Lee, we have been blood brothers for at least ten years, why do things have to come to this'

'Brother Ling, as you said, 10 years.. On the value of this 10 years, stop your bitter forcing, I wont join Love Hero Clan, sigh' Little Lee sighed, his spirit colour was extremly dim.

'Little Lee, why do you have to be so stubborn. Our Love Hero Clan, appreciates heros, love heros, we want you to join us because you are a hero, do you think we recruit everybody? Follow me for one trip, and listen to the Teacher's preaching' Brother Ling replied.

'Brother Ling, it has always been the rule of the River Lake that people dont change their names, they dont switch clans. I am a member of the House of Flying Daggers, I have my own dreams and aspirations, you should find someone else' Lee replied.

'Little Lee, why cant you set your sights further? You will amount to nothing in the HoFD.' Brother Ling continued, 'There are many benefits when you enter our Love Hero Clan, Whether its weapons or magic pills, we offer them at a low price'

'I....', Little Lee became speechless, his heart counting like an abacus as to how to make Brother Ling understand.

'Havent I told you before, you'll have a life but no style. Do yo want to be an escort and an assassin your whole life' Brother Ling springs upon this opening.

'I... sigh...', Little Lee's face looked miserable, he could only shake his head to express his resolve.

'The time for talk has ended...Do what you must ', Little Lee added

3 am in the morning, dim sounds of weapons clashing could be heard at the peak of Hua Mountain.

我的野蛮法官(My Sassy Judge)

2006-08-19T00:07:00.000-07:00

(I got so sick of refreshing my unupdated page that it compelled me to do this post.)

It just dawned on me(well...not really), that it has been some time since I last posted in mandarin.. abit unbecoming for a self proclaimed 民族英雄 eh..?

So...in an effort not to appear like somebody who only knows how to '挂羊头卖狗肉' I've decided to do a chinese post based on a book I've been reading lately, its titled 七侠五义, or in english， "Justice Pao and Friends"

*Avalibility of chinese translation subject to the authors mood at the end of the chinese segment.

*故事大致上没有重点和内容，是纯粹为了提高华文水平而下笔的。

包青天奇案之: 牛头马嘴。

"传犯人!”, 开封府公堂里传来了一股威严十足的指令声。

指令发了不久，只见两名士卫中监狱里押着一位相貌奇异的人士到了公堂上。这犯人膚白发黄，虹膜碧蓝，相貌丑陋不堪，使得来凑热闹的百姓们议论紛紛，搞得公堂裡一遍喧哗，好不熱鬧。

"肃静! 公堂乃行法之地，岂可随意放肆?" 百姓还说不到几句，话头已被审官打断。只见这法官脸黑如炭，双目虎虎生威。还道谁，不就事当今开封府第一清官，包拯大人也。

'奴才 ...昨日五更时晨，有夫妇两人目睹你行窃, 铁证如山，如从实招来可免受皮肉之苦"，包拯厉声到。

‘快招! 快招!', 站在两旁的衙役配着包爷，一同威喝。

"scusi mio, sono non parlo...", parlo il criminale.

犯人还没说完，包拯已拍了惊堂板。

"啪！！大胆奴才。。竟敢在公堂上用妖舌之语，来人呀。。现给我掌嘴三十下”

‘Mi dio...mi dio!!!', il criminale prego.

包拯这时趁衙役们在行刑事，与护审的儒士公孙策议论。

‘此人身行奇怪，又使妖言，实非善良之辈，留在世上，必为后祸，’公孙策叙说了自己的想法。

包拯点了点头，心已有数。等刑毕后又继续审问。

‘好，你罪孽深恶，无话可对，本官现判你斩首，来人，行刑！！’，有人说包拯在判刑事，英气和正气最盛，果非虚假，当真如此也。

‘Mi dio..!! Mi dio!!。。。I'm fucking innocent you babarians', il criminale continua gridi.

铡下头落，此案在包拯的英明判断下又得了一个美满的终止。

Not in the mood to translate. In anycase its a piece of shit and not worth the effort. Here instead is a random list of things which I did not understand till very later in life:

1.) The star trek joke :"We banned politics in the 23rd century"

2.)Why adults look so fucking depressed all the time.

3.)Why my male primary school teacher refused to acknowledge me in public, even though he was very nice to me in school.

*By the way, there is talk among the party members of forming a Team Malat website. The chief purpose being to make available our various sohai exploits/stories for the world to read. Cost of hosting to be split evenly among those who volunteer to do so. Get back to me about the proposal if interested..

The cup is half empty. But more importantly, which asshole drank the top half ?

2006-07-26T16:08:00.000-07:00

(Emo Lee's I-need-some-tampon-rant)

I am a pessimist. An incurable one for that matter. I am the sort that is inclined to respond to a friendly tap on the back with a head decapitating jumping backthrust. Maybe its just my martial arts training... but anyways...

I recall in my prepuberscent years that I ~~was not particularly good~~ sucked at everything. I was not athelethic and would always lose at games like tag or danjiao. I was neither smart nor cute. Girls would not look my way. The kindergarden teachers disliked my messiness. Everything that I was put up to measure against, I fell short.

You see...life, as I came to know it, sucked.

My mediocrity depressed me... in a subtle way...always hanging solemnly in the background of my consciousness like a constant hue of grey .

Such was my unfashionable entry/stumble into this world that my subsequent impression of it has been, to put it mildly, fucked up . I guess first impression really does makes the difference.

These days when I go pasar malam, I see only the beggars.. When I see my maid, I see sanctioned slavery.. bla bla..

Ok, sien liao of being pretensious... I dont care about social justice.. I care about me.

Anyway In the spirit of non-linearity... here's a sohai story:

"Ali.. dah pukul berapa? Cepat bangun, nanti lambat ke sekolah", saya terdengar suara yang pelik memangil saya.

Eh..Apa ni. Bukan kah saya Lee Kecil? Mengapa saya di panggil Ali. Mengapakah arus fikiran saya adalah dalam bahasa melayu. Pelik. Sungguh Pelik.

"Cepat lah... Mak dah masak untuk kamu" Seorang perempuan muda memasuki bilik saya.

"Kamu siapa?" Aku terperanjat. Walaupun terperanjat, aku masih sempat meng"obeserve" perempuan muda itu mempunyai ratio badan yang baik.

"Kamu gila ke... aku adik kamu", perempuan itu reply aku.

"Saya tiada adik perempuan.."aku menyambut.

"Jangan main lah...", adik reply.

"Aku tidak main... aku sebenarnya orang cina", aku cakap

"Jangan mimpi lah...orang cina..."adik seolah olah sedang menyidiri saya.

"Mangapa...orang cina bagus..", aku cakap

"Orang cina tak bagus...", adik berkata.

"Siapa cakap tak bagus... orang cina banyak duit...hidup dengan senang", aku reply.

"Orang cina ada duit.. tapi hati kosong... hidup senang tetapi tidak gembira...sombong angkuh..kedekut...bagi saya tidak mahu jadi...", adik replied resolutely.

"Kamu cemburu aja...", aku reply.

Cerita in dah habis... boleh balik kampung... balik Tong Shan pun boleh..kamu suka.

(PostModern MSPaint Series:Bella Italia) or (More Kingergarden/Pre-puberscent painting)

2006-07-08T03:28:00.000-07:00

Owing to ~~inexperience and~~ sheer stupidity, I forgot to bring my camera on my five day tour of Rome.

As such, in an effort to salvage whatever remaining visual memories before they expire forever in my head, I have decided to create a few commemorative MS Paints of the city.

So anyway here are two images for the pleasure viewing of the reader. They represent what I found most impressive in the land of La Dolce Vita:

(General Surgeon Warning: Vibrant/Violent mixture of colours may induce epileptic seizures, sadness or irrational fits of rage)

Architecture: Narrow streets, tall rectangular buildings, cobbled path. Cliche as it sounds, it is quite a remarkable experience when you’re actually there to experience them yourself.

The Bella Donnas(Beautiful Women/Hot chic) : Italian women with a fusion of Middle eastern and Caucasian features are like Neslo Ice I.e. the perfect mix. Inspiration drawn from the recollection of a fine looking tomboy in Rome on the day Italy were to play Germany.

I must say, MSPaint is a rather fun contraption to play with.

Edit:

Vanity grips Bella Donna and forces her to undergo reconstructive cosmetic surgery.

Anyway, thought of a meme game with an art twist to it, (is probably lame, and I should be shot for even suggesting it):

"Bella Donna is an aspiring actress whose life long dream is to land the leading role in a Telenovella show. However by some reason, she is born incomplete, with 1 eye missing and no torso so to speak of. Your task faithful reader, is to bequeath poor Bella Donna with all the necessary anatomical parts so that she may one day grace the TV screens of every Italiana household."

Rules:

Restore/touch up on 1 anatomical part of Bella Donna and pass the meme on. To make things interesting, anatomical parts are not restricted to those of human (ie Wings, Horns etc.. are allowed, non organic objects are also fair game, ie sword, crown, ear-rings.. etc..)

All restoration of Bella Donna are to be done by digital means. "i.e. corel draw, autocad, Photoshop, MS paint... etc.."There is no requirement on the quality of the restoration work.

Whoever wants to play this, drop me a line with your email. I'll mail you the original picture for you to work on.

Meme games

2006-04-04T11:33:00.000-07:00

Took up Mr Tan's offer to write his meme, as people who will read this would have undoubtedly read Mr Tan's blog, I shall forgo explaining the rules of the game.

“…and thus using any member of the Actinide family as a Catalyst, the critical condition for the Tokamak-fusion can be reached below 5000K”, playgirl physicist Dr Ramajunan* concluded her presentation with a juvenescence smile and ease back into her seat. As the next presenter prepared to take the floor in the Oval Office, Dr Ramajunan took the time to reflect on her humble beginnings. She recalls how as a child, she was often mocked as the daughter of a widowed cottager who has to accede to sexual favors for a swap of Biryani.

"Why does papa have to die in that accident of crashing Ox carts.", Ramajunan would often come home crying after being teased by the village kids.

“Ah…my poor daughter Shanti... what is life if not the most tragic of screenplay,” her mom would sooth her.

“…and so as Dr Ramajunan has previously explained, the fusion process can be sustained at a temperature which is well within the bounds of operational safety for the USS Franklin Space shuttle…”, Ramajunan was brought back to the room by the mention of her name.

(I lost count)

P.S playgirl physicist are about the hottest thing on this planet... except for the bloody taiwan sausages that is..

Srivasna Ramajunan is probably the greatest mathematician that ever lived, surpassing even the likes of Gauss.

Pai Mei and the Bride- part 2

2006-03-27T07:41:00.000-08:00

白眉与新娘-倒霉的一日(Pai Mei and the Bride-A rough day)

春过秋来，转眼间新娘已在白眉的白莲道馆居住了半年了。这半年里，新娘都过着地狱般的生活。每天不是被白眉狂虐毒打，就是被迫进行不人道的苦训。今日如常，当新娘正在舞白莲道入门拳法 ‘哄天拳’时，忽被背后一股响亮的吆喝声止住。还来不及回望，下盘忽感一虚，双足以被白道长 ‘秋风扫叶’勾起，重重的落于地上。

‘古今有一常理，手通背，背通腿，腿通地。这意味力是从地接, 你下盘不稳，又怎么能做到这一点呢。’，白眉励到。

‘Somebody's in awfully good mood today...', the bride mused to herself. Of course she does not verbalize it for the fear of her life.

‘还发什么呆，快站起来。。’，白眉把新娘从她的沉思中打醒。

'Ok... wo bai ming....' the bride mustered in broken mandarin as she picked herself up.

劈啪，新娘眼冒金星，双颊顿感辛辣，原来已被白眉刮了两巴掌。

‘你这狗杂种，中文学了这么久，还这么烂’白眉怒喝到。

'......', the bride remained silent, her body trembling in fear.

这时，白眉忽然眉眼一松, 蹲下把手安在新娘不断颤抖的娇体上。

‘好，今天就到此吧。。。’，白眉言尽便走。

'...', the bemused bride could only nod her head as she watches bai mei disappears into the hut.

究竟白眉与新娘之间又会有什么异常的发展呢。请看下文分解。

(再续)

Horrendous English Translation:

Spring passes, autumn arrives. At the turn of the eye, the bride has stayed at the white lotus sect for half a year now. In this half year, the bride life was a living hell. Everyday, if not being tortured or savagely beaten by Pai Mei, she was forced to undergo inhumane training.

Today was no different, the bride was practicing the white lotus beginner arts ‘the shouting sky’ when, ironically, she was halted by a shout from her back. Haven’t even the time to react, her legs suddenly felt weightless, swept off the floor by Bai Mei’s ‘Spring Breeze Sweeps the Leaves’, she lands heavily on the ground.

‘The ancients have a phrase, hand joins back, back joins leg, legs join ground. Its connation suggests strength has to be borrowed from the ground, your legs are weak, how do you expect to do that.’ Bai Mei repremands.

‘Somebody's in awfully good mood today...', the bride mused to herself. Of course she does not verbalize it for the fear of her life.

‘What are you still dreaming at, get up at once…’, Bai Mei interrupts the bride.

'Ok... wo bai ming....' the bride mustered in broken mandarin as she picked herself up.

Pi Pa!! stars appear in front of the brides eye, her cheeks suddenly stinging with pain, it seemed that Bai Mei has slapped her in the face.

‘You bastard of a dog, how long have you tried to learn mandarin, why is it still so shity..’ Bai Mei bellowed in anger.

'......', the bride remained silent, her body trembling in fear.

At this instant, Bai Mei furrowed eyebrows relented, he crouched and place a hand on the brides trembling body.

‘Lets call it a day…’, Bai Mei says before leaving.

'...', the bemused bride could only nod her head as she watches bai mei disappears into the hut.

What other strange developments are installed for Pai Mei and the Bride? Please read the next chapter.

(continued…)

I really should be studying...
I really should be studying...
I really should be studying...
I really should be studying...

Pai Mei and the Bride....

2006-03-27T04:04:00.000-08:00

想想，已经好久没用中文了，今天就来一遍武侠戏弄(spoof)吧。

白眉已新娘 (pai mei and the bride- characters of Kill Bill)

I apologize in advance for what would undoubtly be a butchery of the chinese language.

雨水如丝，纷纷的落在陈旧的道场上，在积水上不断地制造涟漪。道场中央正静坐着一个身穿白衫的老道士，样莫五十左右。道士白发雪眉，目光炯炯，仿佛有吞天之气势。然间，白眉道士双眉微紧，原来有人来访

‘Bill，你这个混蛋来这里干吗，是不是显命长了，怎么还代一个臭丫头来，’道士不善的叱到。

’He has a problem with American women...' Bill whispered softly into the Brides ear.

'他妈的 , 我在问你，你到底来干吗。。’白眉这时青筋暴露，有杀敌之意。

'I bring you a student...' Bill replies with a smile.

‘哼，你。。。’，道士欲言又止，身子突然飘起，消失于寡陋的道室里。

‘What makes you think he'll accept me,' the bride inquiried apprehensively...
' Like all old men, he is lonely...he'll accept you', Bill smiles reassuringly at the Bride..

(再续)

Tacky English Translation:

The rain falls on the courtyard like threads of silk, producing little ripples on water puddles. In the centre of the courtyard sits an old taoist priest of an age of approximately fifty. The Taoist priest has a white mane and a pair of snowy eyebrows, fiery eyes and a spirit which seemed to swallow the heavens. Suddenly, the taoist eyebrows furrowed, there are guest...

'Bill, what the devils are you doing here, have you grown tiresome of life, and whats with the girl...' The taoist priest sneered menacingly

’He has a problem with American women...' Bill whispered softly into the Brides ear.

'Fucking hell, I'm asking you... what is the nature of your appearance...', veins of the taoist priest were now throbbing with anger, his killing intent was strong.

'I bring you a student...' Bill replies with a smile.

'What the.... you...' The taoist priest wanted to say something but stops, suddenly his body floats up and dissapears into the shanty taoist hut.

‘What makes you think he'll accept me,' the bride inquiried apprehensively...

' Like all old men, he is lonely...he'll accept you', Bill smiles reassuringly at the Bride..

(To be Continued)

Happy Valentines Day or How about another day to tell you how big a loser you are that your better half is your left hand...

2006-02-04T13:36:00.000-08:00

Ahh.. I figured what better way to commemorate St Valentines day then to produce a badly written-in-5-minutes toilet romance..
Enjoy folks...

'Mein Furher...', I looked pleadingly into his eyes.

The furher adverted his gaze. His once proud spirit now lay broken like the shell ridden city of Berlin...

'Eva...I..', The furher started, only to find himself struggling for words. His voice barely audible amidst the constant rumble of russian atillery barrage.

'Furher... please let me stay', I pleaded again. I was not about to abandon the Reich now, not when my Furher needed me the most.

'All is lost...Eva...leave while you still can', The furher patted me on the shoulder...mustering a weak smile before turning his back to exit the room.

Tears welled up in my eyes as I watched the Furher hobbled towards the door. Where the war broked his spirit, the passage of time ravaged his body...

'I love you...' I cried out in a sudden act of vagrary, stoping the Furher in his tracks..

The furher sighed, turned hesistantly before willing himself to a stop.

'I... I love you too, Eva...' The furher replied me for the last time.

Tears began flowing now as my eyes trailed his diminished frame exiting the bunker.

Ich liber dich..mien furher...

Ermm.. not sure what the hell tagging is... but what the heck... thought I join the bandwagon anyway... after all... bandwagons are fun, they give you a sense of identity.. and stuff..

if you read this, you have been tagged....to write a short romantic excerpt of a facist/dictator/neo-imperalist leader aka George Bush, Hitler, Stalin, Mao, etc...

Plasma-soup for your wavefunction

2005-05-31T01:19:00.000-07:00

If you're still not convince I'm a nerd yet, hopefully this seals the deal.
Metaphorical Fiction
Influences: Douglas Adam, Mr Tan Senior

The Semi-Melodramatic-Armorous life of Mr Proton. (This is not an allusion to our National Car, but the matter which has rest mass of 1.67X10^-27kg)
'Inspired by a certain experience in life'

As far as Mr Proton was concern, there is only one way to live, on the edge, anything else is a shortchanged excuse for life. Never the one to pause and think, Mr Proton would often go about life in a blinding light breaking speed, more than often leaving a trail of disaster in his wake.
'Mr Proton is such an arse', laments an unamed Neutron from the Uranium Family, 'Just a while back he banged right into our Nucleus, spliting it into 2. Somebody really ought to set the boy straight...'
Now before the kind reader starts pontificating Mr Protons for his 'edgy' lack of sensibility and apparent diregard for interstellar speed limits, it is best for one to peer through the kalaidescope which is his life to pass on a fairer judgement.
Unlike most particles in the neigbourhood, Mr proton was born an abandon orphan. A product of the careless collision of 2 wayward heavy-ions in a cyclotron induced high, Mr Proton was doomed to lead a stigmatize life. Teased relentlessly from his early quark formation days, Mr Proton was quick to learn a valueable lesson in life, 'You can only depend on yourself in this cold space-time manifold.' As they say, quarks can be cruel, and its from this quarkhood that a harden Proton grew up in.. Never trusting, never forming field lines with other quarks.
As fate would have it, Mr Proton would steadily grow into quite the ravishing particle, slowly he started earning the long coveted approval of his mates. Little nubile electrons would fawn 'Ohh.. That Mr Proton is an absolute delight, not only does he excel in his -----(havent found an analogy for studies, suggestions?), he also part of the sub c-velocity track team, how I wish he would take me as his orbit'
Unbeknown to most particles however, Mr Proton continued to harbour much of his childhood animosity towards them despite his popularity. As such while he courted electrons furiously, he never formed anything beyond a meta-stable interaction with them. Most of the time it would be a highly energetic bang-and-scatter relationship. As any particle which has trodden his fair share of the worldline would tell you, High energy relationships dont work.
'How should I put it, its like Red Giants, all hot and romantic, but once the interstellar wind blows, it fades faster than a sunset in jupiter' The great Guru Swami Xenon quotes.

End of Act 1

Feedbacks appreciated.

Spin Offs

2005-05-28T02:18:00.000-07:00

Chronicles of a Hole Hunter.

'Sigh..There are good days and there are bad days... and there are days where you lose half of your squad...',
I grimaced as my thoughts reflected on the random events which interspersed a rough day at work. Of late, the holes have been escalating their attacks around the world to a level not seen since the wiping out of old Papah. Rumours has it that a new collective Hole consciousness not unlike Gaia has taken form and is behind the recent chain of events. Coupled with the recent depature of Paulette to assume leadership in her native birthplace, the morale of the men have hit a new low. Like most men in *MA, I habour a contradicing love-hate sentiment towards this goddess of a woman, loving her because... well, because its her... and hating her because this love she inflicts upon us is nothing but an affliction of which is forlorn of fufilment. On a less sentimental note, I overheard at recess today of a conversation among the vets of a new military article developed by Papah research Branch, UMA Tech Corps. The said item is purpoted to have the capability to reverse the asymetrical consciousness balance by some thought insertion technique. In their conversation, the name 'Prof Ai Lin' kept popping up, I can only assume that she is the brain child behind this technological breakthrough. Also watching the TV on the Gulf War just now set me thinking of the whole *GAPAH-Pentagon debacle, hopefully this faultline would not erupt into an open conflict (not that they are a match for us in anyway, not if we have the sentinels that is), sometimes I mused over how percarious and vague our position and our alliances to the world is, what if the Holes were to be defeated one day.. How will GAPAH redefined its existence, after all the Coyote cannot exist after it eats the RoadRunner... hmm, will it seek to establish golbal dominance through its military apparatus... I can not imagine the Americans going without a fight in this event... sigh... it would seem like war is the only constant here, with only the players changing.

*MA= Malaysian Apah
*GAPAH= Global Action Party Against Holes

1 sheep 2 sheep 3 sheep....N-1 sheeps N sheeps

2005-05-16T03:28:00.000-07:00

I was preparing to hit the sack yesterday(by that I mean sleep) when I overheard a housemate of mine rattling off in a rather frustrated tone 'diu(fuck), cannot sleep man, tomorrow got 9 oclock paper'. As I know a thing or two about overcoming isomnia, I decided to offer him my advice.
'Aiyar, sleeping is easy lar, you just have to..', I started.
But before I could proceed further my setence was hijacked by housemate B.
'Sleeping sure easy for you lar, you remember the time in Samad(censored)...' Housemate B went on to recount an embarassing tale involving me, an exam paper, an a puddle of saliva.
'haha', I gave out a customary Ah-I-can-take-a-joke-about-myself laugh before returning to my room to lick my wounded ego.
Like a certain male 'hobby', being made to hold in one's opinion when you're just about to release it is distinctively uncomfortable, and thus neccesistating one to seek another outlet to express it, (hence the following article).

How to Sleep:A deceptively simple question.
Dedicated to the stillborn setence 'Aiyar, sleeping is easy lar, you just have to..'

If there is anything that man knows how to do, it is how to fuck up what is natural, sleep being no exception to this. So what exactly goes wrong when one's cicadian rythm is malfunctioning. Basically there are 2 causes, physiological and psychological. The former is easy to deal with, all one has to do is find a physical activity which exahust him. The second one is a bit trickier, something which I myself suffered for about a month when I was 18. Dealing with the second form is essentially learning how to deal with a specific form of fear, that is 'I cant sleep, god help me!!!'. When I was psychologically insomnic, there was a 'I need to sleep' burden constantly bearing down upon me, besides that there is also a 'Die lor, I cant sleep how' fear constantly hanging in the air. So being the rational being I am, after a month or so of wrangling with these 2 demon, I successfully develop a strategy to overcome them. The thing I realise is rather simple, its that there is only 2 things one volitions(will, consciousness etc) can do when faced with a form of fear. You can consciously choose to let go or grasp to it. This may sound like a bad buddhism cliche, but it works, and thats all that matters. Grasping to it means generally 'making the conscious choice of trying to forget it, or trying to rationalize it' letting go generally means 'making the conscious choice of saying an aphethatic 'whatever...' to it'. When it comes to fear in general, I've realise that this is the only real choice one(the seat of consciousness) has, letting go and grasping it*. After realising that simple fact, I became instantly cure of insomnia, just like that.. infact I may have overcured myself as I find myself sleeping in most lectures nowadays, but more on that later. Suggestions for follow up article would be how to cure an inverse insomnia problem.

*After probing deep enough into my own consciousness, I've realise on some level, all there is to the volition is nothing but a series of grasping and letting go. But I'll write more on that when I write something about buddhism.

3,2,1 action

2005-05-13T00:43:00.000-07:00

I've decided to write some thoughts on movies I like.
A while back, I managed to tracked down and downloaded this HK film called 'Chungking Express' . A film which I had wanted to watch for sometime then because of 2 reasons, A.)It is directed by Wong Kar Wai, and B.)It has Faye Wong in it. Seeing as to how much I enjoyed the film, I've decided to do something I've never done before, that is write an analysis of it, below is what maybe the baby steps of a famous future film critic, hehe.
(SPOILER WARNING: Dont read further if you're like me and like to be completely clueless about a film you plan to watch)
As with most of Wong Kar Wai's works, the predominant theme explored in 'Chungking Express'(CKE) is the man-woman relationship. Unlike his later melon cholic features however, CKE is distinctively fast paced, quirky and in general bursting with kinetic energy.

The movie is made from 2 independent man-woman relationship story thread which briefly intersect. While the first story has its own merits, I'll not comment further on it because its the second story which I found much more appealing, one of the main reason being my utterly bias affection for the stories protagonist Faye Wong. Not so much as acting than being herself, Faye does a wonderful job playing the eccentric yet lovable Fei, a character which in my opinion was complemented very well by the practical down to earth 'Cop 663' of Tony Leung. While the acting is top notch, it is through Wong Kar Wai gosu story telling skills and camera work however that the films truly shines. One thing I found impressive was his ability to convey Fei's crush on Cop 663 through non verbal means. This is done in quite a subtle way, an example would be a particularly masteful shot where the camera is set capturing Fei engaging in some mundane activity from a distance, whereby only parts of her are visible due to objects blocking the cameras optical path. What this particular set up does is mimic a realistic first person view, drawing the unwitting viewer to assume the role of a first person, so that when Fei steals a glance at the camera, it is through our own personal experience with situations like these that we realise that Fei is unmistakebly attracted to the cop. The effect registers much more significantly then say those scene in Titanic when Jack declares his love for Rose while Celine Dion is belting away in the distance. Conversation in this film is also a plus, as there are equal amounts of cleverly scripted and spotaneous feeling dialogues, one to drive in the message, the other injecting realism. I'll do my comment justice with an example,
In one scene, we have cop 663 talking to the kebab shop owner,
Cop 663: 'What if my girl friend doesnt like Pizza'
Shopkeeper: 'Aiyar, you mah buy one chef salad and one pizza for her lor'
Cop663 'In that case give me one chef salad and pizza'
The following day:
Shopkeeper: 'So did your girlfriend like it'
Cop663 smiles goofily (I dont really recall whether he said something to the effect of agreeing with the shopkeeper)
Shopkeeper ' Hai Ngm Hai(I told you so), dont try how you know right. Why dont you try fish and chips tonight'
Cop663 : 'What if my girl friend doesnt like fish and chips'
Shopkeeper: 'Aiyar, you mah buy one pizza and one fish and chips for her lor'
Cop663 ' In that case give me one pizza and one fish and chips'
The repetative artificial conversation here lulls the viewer into a sense of the comfort in which a routine life brings, so that when it is shattered in the next scene, it resonates with greater effect.
Shopkeeper: 'So what is it going to be today?'
Cop 663 ' Give me coffee'
Shopkeeper ' Your girlfriend?'
Cop 663 'She has left'
As for examples of realistic conversations,
cop663:'Lei chong yi chou mat ka?' What do you like to do?
fei:'Ngor chong yi gau la', I like to play.
cop663:'hai meh', Oh its so?
fei:'Lei leh, lei chong yi chou mat ka?' What about you?
cop663:'ngor mou sor wai lar', doest really matter.
Its conversations like these, bordering on pointlessness which I think displays the true nature of attraction, that you're just drawn to the person and conversation is just a pretext for hanging around him/her, in the same way which democracy is the pretext for american invasion of iraq. This is definetely unlike those doppy hollywood love comedies where every line must be either some kind of stupid joke or a 'insightful' wisdom.
As it is late, I wont be able to do an analysis on humour, also regrettable is the omission of an analysis on the music used in this film.
Recommended watch if you're a Wong Kar Wai or Faye Wong fan. Dont if Team America is your cup of tea.
Lan!!! I have exams tomorrow, and I'm writing a 700 word film review?!